So okay. It’s raining all the time now, right? So you’d think people would adjust to that, right?

But no. See, my wife is making my life totally miserable, just because it’s raining. She wants me to take my shoes off when I get in the door. How stupid is that? The floors are cold, you know?

She says she’s tired of wiping up after me. So how dumb is that? Isn’t that her job? It was my mom’s job, right? So it’s got to be my wife’s job, right? 

How come I married such a dud?

Yours truly,

Bummed out

Dear Bum:

And this poor woman is still living with you? The rest of my answer is for your wife. You do allow her to read, I suppose?

… If you are reading this, dear, you will surely recognise the brainless maunderings of this, your very own puerile idiot.

I confess that I am at a loss as to how to make this relic of patriarchy enter the modern world. I am throwing the question open to the women of Gabriola. What are your suggestions?

Send them to me, c/o The Shingle, and I will print them if they are suitable and legal.  Remember, you can’t advise anyone to commit a crime.

Dear Gabby:

My grandma is embarrassing me. How? All at once, she’s become “political”.

She used to be just my grandma, you know, with cookies when I came over to visit, and hugs and compliments and sweet looks and all that stuff your grandma does because she loves you, she says.

But how could that be? How could she love me, when she is too busy going to pipeline meetings to bake cookies anymore, and she’s going to some dumb rally down in Victoria that means that she won’t be around for a couple of days when I might need to stay overnight at her place, you know, when my parents are mad at me, and stuff?

Yours truly,

Deprived young person

Dear Deprived:

Ah. Where to start? First, dear, you are not alone. You can take some comfort from that. All across the province, people are discovering that old folks, young folks, middle folks, folks down the road who have lived invisibly behind their trees for years, are coming out in droves against this pipeline thing.

Some people are feeling neglected, nay, one might even say, offended by this sudden surge of citizenship on the public scene.

Yes, it’s a total tragedy that there are no longer cookies on demand from your grandma.  You poor, poor thing.

But here’s a thought. At your age, it’s okay to not know what’s going on in the Big World Out There.  But not the grown-ups. Your grandma is protesting against Global Warming, which is already happening. If you are over twelve, it’s you who should be baking cookies and selling them to support the people who are trying to protect your future.

For obvious reasons The Flying Shingle tries never to disagree with our Dear Gabby, but unfortunately sometimes we do.