Over a decade ago I suffered an irreparable nerve injury in my spinal cord that obliterated my former life, my identity, and eventually my spirit. I thought about suicide every day for years as I vainly tried to navigate the medical arena and secure compassionate, relevant assistance in order to recover some portion of my previous identity. All I ever wanted was my old life back, and a firm understanding of what was truly wrong with my body. This never happened.
I got myself off all pharmaceuticals after a number of years, and slowly, but steadily, dug my way out of the bottomless pit of confusion and helplessness. One day it suddenly occurred to me to stop seeking a medical answer or understanding and recognise I was on a spiritual journey. Everything began to change after that.
In the spring of 2010 Evil knocked at my door and lied his way into my home. Filth spewed from his mouth as he made threats to destroy me. An inner voice said, ‘surrender, release, open’, and I sat with equanimity as Evil ramped up his threats against me. When he left my home I heard: ‘This is here to heal you’ and knew, in that full body experiential kind of way that this was an absolute truth.
These two seemingly unrelated events were not accidents; they were custom-made curriculum designed to WAKE ME UP. I didn’t get it with the spinal cord injury, but I absolutely got it when Evil appeared. His violent attack precipitated an inner healing of cosmic proportions.
Navigating and surviving the attack with peace, love, and healing as my objectives ultimately propelled me into the depths of my psyche and spirit and showed me unequivocally that the Path was always beneath my feet. It was only clouded over by a lifetime of lies and illusions. When I thought I was lost and alone I wasn’t; I just didn’t know how to listen to the wisdom within.
To date this resilient body continues to manifest challenges that can suck the breath from my lungs and sight from my eyes. When pain rages for attention I know how to flow into the core of it and find what physicists know as the ‘gap’, the invisible space without which nothing would exist, the space between musical notes, the space that holds your house together and carries the beat of every heart.
I know that I AM an aspect of the whole, and as such any healing I achieve contributes to healing the whole. From the intimate exposure to Evil and choosing not to respond to his attack with hate I know there are no accidents, every single event can be an opportunity for personal evolution, inner healing, and deeper understanding of this wondrous mystery we call Life.
No matter what is unfolding in one’s life, a tragic accident, sudden death of a beloved, disease, loss of everything held dear, it is possible to grow through these events and come out the other side in peace. You can hold on to your story about the event, your sad and self-righteous story, and continue to suffer. Or you can know that others have navigated horrific events and found a path to healing, insight and ultimately consciousness. All the answers you seek really do abide within.
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