I have been reading your advice column for a while now, and I have never seen a problem like mine being discussed. I do so want to get past this stuck place I am in, and move on in my life.

You see, I have, through no fault of my own, been trapped in a black hole of collection fever. It started innocently enough, when my dad taught me to collect stamps. He had some quaint idea that I would develop powers of organisation, attention, and detailed analysis by categorising all the stamps of the world.

But I did not. Instead, I became enamoured of the phenomenon of collection, in and of itself. I have even explored the spiritual discipline of Collection, hoping that somehow delving into the Mind and the Spirit would help me to get this thing under control.

But it has not. All that has happened is that I have become very fussy, one might even say exclusive, in my collecting. I only collect computer mice.

In fact, the mental Collection I have done may even have led to this obsession about the Mouse, the manual control over the computer, just as Concentration is supposed to control the movement of the Mind. When I sit and attempt to Collect, I only find visions of mice dancing in my head.

You might think this obsession is harmless enough, but no, it is not. I have filched several computer mice from various of my friends and relatives, and they don’t suspect me, although it is now impossible to invite them over because I currently have a whole room full of mice.

Can you help me?

Hopefully,

Mouse Crazy

Dear Crazy:

And you think your friends don’t know? What planet do you live on, dear? Have you noticed when visiting them that they seem to have locked up all their computers?

Get a grip. Hypnotism may help.

Dear Gabby:

On the beach I have noticed that a guy just sits on the sand and stare at us girls. It makes me nervous. I wonder what is going on in his head?

So now I can’t enjoy myself because I am too worried about why he is just sitting there looking at us. It’s enough to make me stop wanting to go swimming and it’s hot these days and I need a cool swim once a day. What should I do?

Yours truly,

Uneasy

Dear Uneasy:

Yes. You have a good reason for being uneasy. One never knows what is going on inside the head of a man. Sometimes even he doesn’t know. It’s why we women have made men an object of careful study for centuries.

Which I now recommend to you. Study this man. His hours of beach sitting, his habits, his direction of gaze. You will find that you can plan around his patterns of behaviour.

Perhaps he is merely a harmless meditating hermit. Does he have a strong fragrance? See previous Gabby advice.

For obvious reasons The Flying Shingle tries never to disagree with our Dear Gabby, but unfortunately sometimes we do.