For years I have handled all of the family finances, giving my wife and children monthly allowances to do with as they please. Up until a few years ago, all was peace and serenity under this system. And then we moved here.

We are now retired. I am on a nice pension and we live well. The children have all flown the coop and are doing fine in their own lives.

So what’s the beef? It’s my wife’s new friends. They have totally corrupted what has been a fine and amicable financial arrangement between us for all of our married life. Now, she wants to “help” me make financial decisions! I wish we had never decided to retire here.

Those friends of my wife, who are no friends of mine, have persuaded my wife that she should have an equal say in financial decisions. Which includes, apparently, interfering in how I make up my will. What can I do to restore the peace and quiet that used to prevail in our domestic life?

Yours truly,

A good provider

Dear Good:

Ah, the misery of living together full-time after losing the protection of a man’s career and a woman’s private life! And added to that, moving here, of all places, which is full of uppity women who demand to run their own lives by their own rules.

I fear you have made a terrible mistake, sir, in your choice of retirement home.  And I am sorry to tell you that now your wife has been visited by these new ideas of hers, she will not give them up for love nor money.

What to do, to preserve your sanity after all these years of blind domestic bliss? What is needed here is a conversation, which is generally defined as having two sides and two points of view. It is a somewhat under-used activity.

This is no doubt a new experience for you – I should imagine your career was in management – but domestic bliss demands that you learn how to not only listen to, but hear, your wife, even though she has been for years under your financial control. If this is difficult for you, several reputable counselling services exist which specialise in the skill of listening. Think of it as an intellectual challenge, a type of retirement hobby.

Dear Gabby:

I don’t want to make any trouble. I just want to live my own life, finally.

I mean, why should I have to pick up after my eighteen year old daughter? Her clothes are all over the place and she leaves the bathroom looking like a slaughterhouse after she’s been in it. She’s always out with her boyfriend and never lifts a hand at home. Help.

Yours truly,

Frustrated mom

Dear Mom:

Invite her boyfriend into your home and show him your daughter’s spoor. Or threaten to.

A threat would be a less dramatic approach, unless you crave excitement or are yearning for revenge.

Good luck, dear.