My dad and mom are living in different houses. My sister lives with my mom and I have been living with my dad, and I get along fine with my mom and stuff, but I need to figure out a way to move out of my dad’s house without starting World War Three. So if I stay I’ll likely start World War Three.

It’s Dad’s latest girlfriend. She’s really hot, and a lot younger than my dad, and I can’t stop thinking about her. I’m not weird or anything because like I said, she’s really hot and not that much older than me, but I don’t want to get in trouble with my dad, if you know what I mean.

My Dad has had a lot of girlfriends and I’ve got along with all of them, but I’m always fighting with this one, because that’s the only way I know how to not jump her bones.  What do I do now?

Sincerely,

Caught between a rock and a hard place

Dear Rock:

Yeah. Big problem. How Primal can you get? If you tell you mom why you want to move in with her, you can bet she’ll have a good time giving your Dad a bad time about being juvenile and robbing the cradle, and if you don’t tell her, why would she let you move in with her? Could you and your sister swap places – you go live with your mom and she moves in with your dad?

It would likely be the best solution, because I imagine after a few months, your dad’s girlfriend won’t really want to be in the same room with your sister, and that might free her up for you.

Could you tell your sister what your problem is? Probably not. She’d rat on you. Then you’d be really embarrassed.

Do you have a friend with a spare couch you could move to until your dad and this woman are no longer an item? A good strategy might be to move into a friend’s place, and when your mom finds out, tell her you can’t stand being in the same house as Dad’s new girlfriend. She doesn’t have to know exactly why. That will make you Mom’s friend for sure, and she might be willing to take you in until this woman is gone out of your dad’s life.

Let me know how it works out.

Dear Gabby:

It’s my cat. So what can you do about a cat that won’t come into the house, and I’ve got mice in the house, and I need her to go after them. I’ve tried everything – special cat dinners, cream, you name it. No luck.

She’s a good hunter.  She’s always walking around with a bird or a mouse or a squirrel in her mouth, but if a mouse gets into the house, it’s home free.

Yours truly,

Mouse landlord

Dear Landlord:

Get an indoor cat. Changing the kitty litter is worth it.

For obvious reasons The Flying Shingle tries never to disagree with our Dear Gabby, but unfortunately sometimes we do.